Patong, part 2

To get from Ao Nang to Patong, I yet again had to use the Thai mafia minivan system. I got a ticket for 350 baht this time going the entire way in a minivan. Having a little more experience than last time, I told the clerk selling me the ticket about my last experience and she (like the other one in Patong last time) ensured me that this was the best minivan system in the area and they only used AC minivans.
The van picked me up around 10.45 in the morning, only 45 minutes late. We drove around picked up people from other hotels too, now I see why it was late. Not everyone was as ready as they should be. With the minivan full, we were then driven to a connection point that was already full of tourists. Of course they had a restaurant and other shops where you could get something until your ride was "ready". We all got a sticker so the chaotic looking system could tell us apart.
But the system worked, I at least ended up almost close to my hotel. The reservation was not in my name, so the lady was a little surprised when I showed up, as the other guest was not to arrive before 2 at night.
I got settled, and decided to go for a walk around the city to see if everything was still the same. Nothing had changed, luckily. Got some way too spicy food and had to buy more than one beer to survive, didn't even plan on that, but no complaints from my side.
At 2am the mystery guest arrived and I even had to pay for the taxi, but that's expected from a gentleman, right? The cold beer came out of the fridge and there was Thomas himself, ready for some vacation in the most quiet part of Thailand, haha
Patong is only one of the beaches on the Phuket Island, maybe one of the best ones, but there are plenty more. One day Thomas and I wanted to go to another beach to break the pattern, don't ask me why, haha. We asked the lady at the guest house where we were staying, if there were any other beaches worth going to from Patong. She said that the Paladie beach was one of the best and we decided to give it a shot. We looked at the map for 20 minutes or so, and just could not find it. We went to her and asked again, and she said it could not be found on the map. Secret beach, wow, now we were locals. We had to get a ride somehow and started asking the tuc-tuc's around the corner, they all waved us away and pointed to the taxi. He wanted a whopping 500 baht to take us there and after talking to a few of the drivers, it seemed that nobody wanted to go there for less. Bollocks.
The ride there went up and down over mountains, through the jungle, past many warning signs and far far away from civilization, but we finally arrived. Then we paid another 100 baht to get to the beach, because it was privately owned. This however included the sunbed on the beach and people on the beach taking orders for drinks. We sat down, and next to us were a Danish family who had run out of sunscreen it seemed, lobster family. A few beds away, there were some older men who had a lot of younger men around them... No comments. But then the beach must be good, right? Well, a short strip of sand out to the water, the rest was stony corals on whis you could probably cut your feet or step of some naste fish hiding. At least they served beer on the beach, but the old guys took up all the time of the younger Thai working there. No comment. My patience ran out and I went to get the beers myself, and finally, now we could enjoy Paradise Beach. Then it started raining, haha. Screew that, we had come this far, paid this much, we were going to suck it up and enjoy it. The rain stopped, the sun came out and we asked if we could get an umbrella to protect out natively paperwhite color. Nope, it was too windy was the response. WTF, on the other beaches they knew how to handle this, this was getting a little annoying. We took our stuff and moved back from the beach to a few chairs in the background that were in the shade and a few sips of a beer later things calmed down. Then it started raining again...
We called the guy to get us back to good old Patong, and we waited for 30 min. Called him again, he was on his way. Waited another 20 min and called him again, sorry guys, no time. Arghhhhh. Luckily there was a tuk-tuk leaving back to Patong full of people (don't ask me how it got here) we bummed a ride back with them for 150 baht, a steal!
Some guys told me that looking like a homeless guy would keep stalkers and robbers away, so I had some stupid idea not to get a haircut and a shave on the entire trip. A few weeks after leaving I had to shave though, I looked not only like a homeless, but a homeless bum. In Patong it was time to shed some hair and around the corner we found a lady with direct connections to Paris. She even gave Thomas a clean shave, even though Mr Nordin looked pretty tense a few times, haha

Even vacation in Patong starts to show a pattern. After some breakfast, it is time to check out the beach, just to make sure everything is ok. The same guy starting to recognize us, knows what we want. 100 baht a day for the beach bed, and then he will come every hour and adjust the umbrella to make sure we don't get burned.
When we look thirsty he will exchange the empty beer bottle with a new one. The ladies on the beach keep an eye on who is hungry, who needs an aloe vera treatment because of sunburn the previous day, who has broken sunglasses and needs a new pair. All for money of course, but life is pretty easy sometimes
At around 16 or so, it is time to get up from the beach and grab a drink, a Piña Colada of course, at one of the local happy hour places.
After a few tries we found one bar with a very funny lady bartending, Blue Lotus bar. Every day after the beach it was time for a small chit-chat, one of those people you could ask anything about Patong and the people there. And so we did and got a lot of interesting information, no value to people who were not there.
Then it is time to find some food. Patong has a huge selection of different foods from all over the world. There are lots of Scandinavians who obviously moved here opening a restaurant, Skål, Rundertårn, Lelle's, Viking Food etc. We visited one of them, they offered a Danish dish (hakkebøf) that I had not had for many years. It was ok, but with the great selection of Thai food they have here it was almost waste of a meal.
Another night we went to an Austrian Beer garden, where we ordered some Wiehnerschitzels and two large beers. After having sucked too many Piña Coladas during happy hour, I am sorry to say that Thomas was able to drink the beer faster than I was. Ouch, that hurt! That must go down into the history books...
The seafood here is great and everywhere. The bad thing is if one is eating 1 or 2 people only, because all the seafood is ordered as a whole. If you want lobster, you gotta get one yourself, quite expensive and big. The same with fish and squids, hard to eat alone. Thai food is good here, I really like the curry dishes to be a little thick and creamy, that's how they do it here in most places. Simply delicious.
There are always live bands playing multiple places along the party street, a few beers will make the music sound better than it is, but overall good value for money. There is no covercharge anywhere, they just want people to buy booze - and that we do!
One night we were walking home, we suddenly heard ACDC play, or that's what a few beers will do to you, but it was around 2 at night, so we went in just to watch the last song. Haha, that was not the last one, they kept playing for another hour, actually quite a good concert. When they finished, there was another band getting ready to play. Non-stop action here, gotta love it.


The most notorious place in Patong is Soi Bangla, this is one of the best party streets in Thailand, maybe even in South-East-Asia. Most of the bars are so-called lady-bars.

Girls work there to keep guests (mostly men) company, they play games, talk and just make people feel good there. After a while, they either start playing the games for money, and they know what they are doing or they will beg you for a drink. Buy them a drink and they will be your best friend for the next 20 minutes, then you have to add another quarter to the machine and it works a little longer. There are Go Go bars where girls are dancing on stages, with and without clothes, even though Thai law specificly states that nudity is illegal. There are shows that I can't describe, for your eyes only.

There are bars with men who chose to go he woman way, partly or fully. Anyway, some of these former guys look very very much like girls, it is hard to tell the difference just by looking. Talking to them is very interesting, because the first thing you notice is that they have a deeper voice than myself, haha. I guess we both looked like we were just there to check it out, so they were just kidding around with us too. Talking to them and they are just as normal as we are, just they don't consider themselves men anymore, not gay either, but really do want to be women, a little strange to describe.
When most bars close, others will either open or at least the traffic there will boom. Night clubs are really late night clubs where people go after the regular bars turn off the light at 2 or 3 at night. Walking down the street you suddenly bump into a polar beer of course.
Most people working in the busy bars go out for a drink and some restaurant food themselves after work. That's when it is worth keeping an eye on where they go, usually to the best bars or restaurants in Patong. We went out with a few locals and soon discovered that Thai food there is not just any Thai food, we found some really good places and usually ended up the same places every evening, talk about being adventurous, haha
Just before another day is about to start, there is a fierce fight for people to come and get the last massage of the night. The massage comes in different flavors and there is always someone ready to offer some little extra services, for money of course.
Around the city there are always a lot of food carts and during the night they are everywhere. Anything you want to eat, you can get it. Those late night tacos, burritos or kebab sandwich turn out to be a little boring when you have options like fried chicken feet, chicken intestine, grilled squid on a stick and other delicious dishes to choose from.
One problem being in Patong however is that, there are only 24 hours a day, damn.